Postmortem: Covert Affairs 1×02

27 Jul

Sorry for the delay—life got in the way.  This will be short, as I must get it up before the next episode airs, lest I be a Bad Blogger.  So, Covert Affairs, episode 2: The Legend of Walter’s Gold.  Opinions first:  I found this episode to be much weaker than the pilot, mostly because of the introduction of two new elements, both of which kind of sucked.  I’m finding Mohinder the Spy to be both totally pointless and a complete charisma vacuum, although I’ve never thought Sendhil Ramamurthy was particularly charismatic.  That being said, he was better on Heroes, and if something is better on Heroes you know you’re in trouble.  Also, my comment last week about how I wish Christopher Gorham was playing the Sendhil Ramamurthy role while a visually impaired actor plays Auggie goes double now.  Christopher Gorham is one of the few actors who could make that role interesting.

But the disappointingness of the new cast member is nothing compared the utter shit that is the credit sequence.  Holy crap, it is embarrassing.  Just watch:

UGH. UGH. You know what it reminds me of? A much worse version of the credit sequence on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  That aired 10 years ago, and looks technologically advanced next to this crap.  Ugh.

But opinions aren’t what you’re reading this blog for, you want predictions!  The baddie was particularly easy to guess this week…

Of course it was the British guy, for exactly the same reasons I outlined in last week’s White Collar postmortem.  New law enforcement official, clearly just meant for one episode, who is given a name and many lines?  Nearly always the baddie.    I knew as soon as they gave him a name.  Also, guys that attractive are nearly always either a love interest or the villain.  Obviously they weren’t going to go for love interest, so villain it is.  And he was British.  Never trust a British person on American TV, unless it’s, like, Stephen Fry.

Predictions for the future:  We’ll get some angsty!Auggie quite soon.  Christopher Gorham’s talents are being wasted, and they’ll want to show them off soon (rather than waiting for the finale to show off Anne Dudek’s talents when either she or her family are taken hostage or something.  Mark my words.  That is, if the following isn’t true…)

Danielle is really a SPY!

Joan and The Eyebrows will get into a nasty, very public fight.  No one will care.

Joan will be both tough on Annie and a caring mentor in nearly every episode.

There will be some sort of wacky hijinks involving Auggie’s girlfriend(s).

We’re going to get an Auggie in Peril episode fairly soon, or possibly an Annie in Peril episode where Auggie saves the day.

At one point, Danielle will attempt to surprise Annie at the Smithsonian, and be suspicious of the fact that she’s not there.

Annie will prove to be a competent agent, which is nice but totally besides the point because they’re only interested in her ex-fling.  After his plot is resolved, they’ll mostly just keep her around out of inertia.  And that means it’s time for another Rule of TV: while men are defined by what they do, women are defined by the men in their lives.  Notice that the past two episodes have opened with sequences of Annie with the ex-fling on the beach:  she may be a butt-kicking secret agent, sure, but what really matters is that one time she had sex with this one guy.  She’s introduced as this guy’s former lover, not a character in her own right.  Joan fares slightly better, but her character is still mostly defined as the jealous wife of Peter Gallagher’s Eyebrows.  Danielle technically isn’t defined by men, but only because she’s defined as solely a mother, and her kids happen to be girls.  It’s sad that, even in a show like this, with a strong, butt-kicking female lead, the women are all defined primarily by their relationships to men.  Not to get too Mulvey-centric, but I’d like some moar female gaze, plz.

And now, my Crackpot Theory of the Week:  Auggie is really The Doctor!  Look, they’re dressed just the same!

No, it doesn’t make sense, but it would be AWESOME.

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2 Responses to “Postmortem: Covert Affairs 1×02”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Postmortem: Covert Affairs 1×07 « The TV Psychic - August 25, 2010

    […] last week, “we’ll get some angsty!Auggie quite soon”.  ANGST ALL OVER THE PLACE.  Angst is a good color on Christopher Gorham, by the way.  Sexy, […]

  2. Postmortem: Covert Affairs 1×10 and 1×11 « The TV Psychic - September 21, 2010

    […] Also, I predicted that […]

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