Postmortem: White Collar

15 Jul

Sorry for the lack of updates–the problem with starting a TV blog in the middle of summer is that there’s no TV to write about.  Thankfully, USA is back with everything, and their shows are the types of shows where my power is strongest.  Tuesday night’s White Collar season premiere is a prime example.  As usual, I was able to guess the baddie within ten seconds of them appearing on screen.  I’ll tell you why after the jump.

Previously on White Collar:

Homina.

As far as things that matter less, aka the plot, Matt Boner Bomer, the hottest con man around, struck a deal with Jonesy from Carnivale to be released from prison into house arrest if he would help the FBI, because he’s the bestest and prettiest criminal ever.  Charmingness ensued.  He also had a manpain because his old girlfriend, who he was still in love with, kept cryptically contacting him.  There was something about having to steal a music box before he could see her.  So he did, and he was about to escape with her, until her plane blew up.  Now she ded from explosion, and he has a bigger manpain.  The arc of this season is going to be figuring out who killed the girlfriend.  But since this is a USA show, we spend most of the episode on a self-contained plot about Tim Matheson robbing banks.  It was very easy to predict.

When I say I was able to predict the baddie, I don’t mean Tim Matheson–there was no guesswork there, the show clearly set him up as the villain.  Less clear, however, was the role of Rene Simmons, the security expert, as the inside man.  Totally called it.  Why?  She feel into several dead giveaway cliches:

  • Any time a law enforcement official is given more than three expository lines, they did it, ESPECIALLY if they also get a name.  You can see this at play in every episode of The Mentalist ever.
  • She’s the classic “secondary character, introduced once, then forgotten” that is always the baddie.  This is the formula for literally every episode of Scooby Doo.
  • If a nefarious scheme will only work with a certain person present, that person must be part of the scheme.  Otherwise, it’s a super shitty scheme.
  • She’s a hot young blonde, yet never once hit on Matt Bomer.  That’s just not right.

Of course, this wasn’t the only twist in the episode, just the easiest to get.  At the end, we also found out that fellow FBI agent Diana has the music box that Neal had to steal to get to his ex-girlfriend.  This was a bit more surprising, but it shouldn’t have been.  If you go back and look at the giveaway list for the A plot, you’ll see that every one applies to her too:  she’s a law enforcement official with a needlessly large role; she was introduced at the beginning of last season, then forgotten; her involvement was necessary in last season’s finale; and she’s totally not into Bomer.  Clearly some nefarious schemes are afoot here as well.  Any ideas what they are?  Just want to talk about how dreamy Matt Bomer is?  Sound off below.

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One Response to “Postmortem: White Collar”

  1. Kate Potter July 16, 2010 at 7:30 am #

    Marsha Thompson (Diana) had another role on another show after the pilot was filmed, so she wasn’t able to be in the first season; she wasn’t introduced and forgotten about at all. She will have a larger role this year as part of the team. And, she’s great.

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