Postmortem: Covert Affairs

15 Jul

If you’ll remember, last month I made several predictions about upcoming storylines on the new USA show Covert Affairs.  Well, the first episode aired on Tuesday night, and I am extremely pleased with the progress I’ve made so far.  To refresh your memory, I predicted the following:

  • It will appear as if Peter Gallagher is  having an affair, but really he is a double/triple agent.  The poor man’s SpyDaddy, if you will.
  • There will be some other shadowy organization that Piper Perabo’s ex-boyfriend is involved with, but that link will be resolved surprisingly early on.
  • That organization in general, and possibly her ex-boyfriend in particular, were directly related to Christopher Gorham going blind.  This will cause Tension, but not very much, and just for an episode.
  • Piper Perabo and Sendhil Ramamurthy will be set up as the romantic endgame, but most fans will ship her and Christopher Gorham, because he is a woobie.
  • There will be a tiresome side plot about not letting Anne Dudek find out about Piper Perabo’s spy double life, that will sadly not end in an awesome “Francie hates coffee ice cream” fight.  Instead, Anne Dudek, her husband, or one of her children will be held hostage or something, and they’ll have to try to rescue them without them discovering Piper Perabo’s spying.  No matter what, Anne Dudek’s talents will be wasted.
  • There will be an excuse to have Piper Perabo in a bikini/lingerie, or at least a very tight, revealing dress, at least once an episode.  She will also wear many wigs (or maybe not, if they want to avoid being a really obvious  Alias ripoff).
  • Christopher Gorham will have to go undercover at some point.
  • While undercover, he will have to pretend to be sighted at some point.
  • He will also have to drive a car.  They won’t use the music from Sneakers, but they should.  (These three points may or may not happen in the same episode.)
  • Piper Perabo will have to put on many foreign accents.  None of them will be believable.
  • Piper Perabo’s living situation will be needlessly shit.  (I’m guessing she’s living with her sister’s family and it’s comically awful, even though she presumably makes a decent amount of money.)  Christopher Gorham’s living situation will be needlessly awesome (sweet-ass apartment, probably.)
  • There will be a gag where someone rearranges Christopher Gorham’s office furniture.
  • Sendhil Ramamurthy’s father is either a baddie, a bloviating politician, or both.  (Played by Gregory Itzin, so it’s not a stretch).
  • The plot will in no way involve a giant spinning ball of red water, and will be poorer for it.

Let’s see how many I’ve gotten so far, shall we?

Out of 14 predictions, my count is that 5 have already been proven correct to some extent.  In order:

  • There will be a tiresome side plot about not letting Anne Dudek find out about Piper Perabo’s spy double life, that will sadly not end in an awesome “Francie hates coffee ice cream” fight.  Instead, Anne Dudek, her husband, or one of her children will be held hostage or something, and they’ll have to try to rescue them without them discovering Piper Perabo’s spying.  No matter what, Anne Dudek’s talents will be wasted.

The side plot is tiresome, so I count this as a win.  Clearly they’re saving the hostage situation for the finale.

  • There will be an excuse to have Piper Perabo in a bikini/lingerie, or at least a very tight, revealing dress, at least once an episode.  She will also wear many wigs (or maybe not, if they want to avoid being a really obvious  Alias ripoff).

Already posing as a call girl, and appearing nearly naked on a beach.  And as far as I’m concerned, the bump-it is this generation’s wig.

  • Christopher Gorham will have to go undercover at some point.

Well, that was fast.  I predict this will happen at least three more times, but probably much more.  He’s too charming to waste him in headquarters.

  • Piper Perabo will have to put on many foreign accents.  None of them will be believable.

Technically I guess a southern accent isn’t foreign, but it was bad.  Also, why would she have a southern accent if she was supposed to be from Ohio?

  • Piper Perabo’s living situation will be needlessly shit.  (I’m guessing she’s living with her sister’s family and it’s comically awful, even though she presumably makes a decent amount of money.)  Christopher Gorham’s living situation will be needlessly awesome (sweet-ass apartment, probably.)

That is a pretty nice guest house, but why is she living with her sister?  I know government salaries aren’t great, but surely she could afford her own studio apartment somewhere.  We haven’t seen Auggie’s living quarters yet, but mark my words, they will be super cool for no reason.

Not bad for one episode!  Although I do have to admit defeat on one count:  it looks like Annie’s ex-boyfriend had nothing to do with Auggie’s blindness.  That would have been a good plot point, though.

Thoughts about the episode:  I quite liked it, it’s like Alias if it was on USA, which is to say, way more fun and less thinky.  Great summer programming.  I find Piper Perabo surprisingly fun to watch, and Chris Gorham is a delight as always (although, always and forever, I am in favor of actors with disabilities playing disabled roles.  I would have been perfectly happy with Chris Gorham playing whatever the Sendhil Ramamurthy role is going to be, and a blind actor playing Auggie.  Come on TV.  Be more inclusive).  It’s certainly not going to be my favorite show ever, but it is going to be easy to predict, and therefore fun to watch.

Speaking of predictions, guessing the baddie was just as easy here as in White Collar.  I had my suspicions as soon as he showed up–there’s no reason for that scene to be there otherwise–but as soon as Annie misplaced his accent it was obvious.  If she’s supposed to be a linguistics expert, obviously she would know the difference between a Valencia and a Madrid accent.  So therefore he must be A SPY!  (He also fulfills the secondary character, introduced once then forgotten trope.  Natch.)

But I’m more interested in the long game here.  So here are some new predictions:

  • Joan is going to continue to be kind of bitchy, but become a mentor to Annie in between yelling at her.
  • Joan is either having an affair, or is the source of the leak.  Or both!
  • Auggie will sleep with basically every girl on screen except for Annie for no apparent reason other than it suits the plot that they don’t sleep together.
  • There will be a wacky near-miss with Danielle when Annie’s out spying.
  • Annie’s ex-boyfriend (although really, actually brief fling. She keeps a scrapbook about a three-week stand?  Sad.) appears to be a bad guy, but is really a good guy.

And now, for my Crackpot Theory of the Week: one theory that will probably not come true, although the groundwork has been laid for it and it is AWESOME:

  • Auggie can actually see, and is really A SPY! (for the bad guys).

Why?  Because he misidentified Annie’s shoes as kitten heels, when they were clearly stilettos.  That is not a mistake that would make sense for that character to make.  I was ready to chalk it up to lazy script editing, until the very next scene involved Not!Stas giving himself up by referring to Annie by the Estonian word for kitten.  What if “kitten” is like the show’s way of saying that person is not who we think they are?  That would be awesome and hilarious and I would take back everything I said about how they should have hired a blind actor.  Please be true.

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2 Responses to “Postmortem: Covert Affairs”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Postmortem: Covert Affairs 1×07 « The TV Psychic - August 25, 2010

    […] go undercover at some point”, and after that came true in the first episode, I predicted that “this will happen at least three more times”.  Technically this is the third.  The soccer game in “South-Bound Suarez” was the first, […]

  2. Postmortem: Covert Affairs 1×10 and 1×11 « The TV Psychic - September 21, 2010

    […] And way back in the beginning, I predicted that […]

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