Predictions: Covert Affairs

14 Jun

Covert Affairs is USA’s new summer show, premiering July 13th after White Collar.  The plot is your pretty standard spy show–girl next door gets recruited to CIA, kicks ass while wearing tight dresses, nefarious schemes are afoot, blah blah fight scene blah lipstick poison blah.  It looks like Alias minus Victor Garber and the weird Rambaldi stuff, which is to say, Alias minus the awesome.  Nonetheless, I will be watching it, for four reasons:  a) USA has a decent track record for original series, b) it looks better than everything else on this summer, c) it’s on after White Collar, which I will be watching because I loves me some Matt Boner Bomer, and d) I have to see if it will be as predictable as I think it will.  Using just the information found on the official website, I predict that the following will happen over the course of the first season (assuming it makes it the whole season):

  • It will appear as if Peter Gallagher is  having an affair, but really he is a double/triple agent.  The poor man’s SpyDaddy, if you will.
  • There will be some other shadowy organization that Piper Perabo’s ex-boyfriend is involved with, but that link will be resolved surprisingly early on.
  • That organization in general, and possibly her ex-boyfriend in particular, were directly related to Christopher Gorham going blind.  This will cause Tension, but not very much, and just for an episode.
  • Piper Perabo and Sendhil Ramamurthy will be set up as the romantic endgame, but most fans will ship her and Christopher Gorham, because he is a woobie.
  • There will be a tiresome side plot about not letting Anne Dudek find out about Piper Perabo’s spy double life, that will sadly not end in an awesome “Francie hates coffee ice cream” fight.  Instead, Anne Dudek, her husband, or one of her children will be held hostage or something, and they’ll have to try to rescue them without them discovering Piper Perabo’s spying.  No matter what, Anne Dudek’s talents will be wasted.
  • There will be an excuse to have Piper Perabo in a bikini/lingerie, or at least a very tight, revealing dress, at least once an episode.  She will also wear many wigs (or maybe not, if they want to avoid being a really obvious  Alias ripoff).
  • Christopher Gorham will have to go undercover at some point.
  • While undercover, he will have to pretend to be sighted at some point.
  • He will also have to drive a car.  They won’t use the music from Sneakers, but they should.  (These three points may or may not happen in the same episode.)
  • Piper Perabo will have to put on many foreign accents.  None of them will be believable.
  • Piper Perabo’s living situation will be needlessly shit.  (I’m guessing she’s living with her sister’s family and it’s comically awful, even though she presumably makes a decent amount of money.)  Christopher Gorham’s living situation will be needlessly awesome (sweet-ass apartment, probably.)
  • There will be a gag where someone rearranges Christopher Gorham’s office furniture.
  • Sendhil Ramamurthy’s father is either a baddie, a bloviating politician, or both.  (Played by Gregory Itzin, so it’s not a stretch).
  • The plot will in no way involve a giant spinning ball of red water, and will be poorer for it.

I have more theories, but I kind of want to wait until the series actually airs to reveal them.  I think I’ve made a pretty good start.  Leave your predictions in the comments.

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